Joeschmoe's very bad day
by stanbigi
Summary: Joeschmoe's friend Finite asks him to come and help him finish a mission,which turns into a long list of things to do and Joe helps...Although everything seems to be going wrong.Rated T for Language.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer : I own Nothing. Only Joe, Finite and the crappy story line(if u can call it that) are mine.

a/n . Joeschmoe is sometimes referred to as Joe. And the other guy on the Linkshell is Finite.

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A tall elvaan was leaning with his back against the fountain in Parade Ground in North San d'Oria. His long silver traveled down to his lower back, blowing slightly with gentle breeze. His beautiful face was currently showing something that greatly resembled anger… okay, maybe it was anger…

" C'mon Joe, I need some heeeeeeeeeelp!"

"No, I'm busy right now…" _yeah, busy…he'll buy that … right?_

"No your not!" _damn._

"Come on! Just help a friend out, It'll only take a second! I swear! "

" Yeah…right, listen I may be level 75, and I may be rich, and yes - I'm damn good lookin' but that doesn't mean I can come by and save your sorry ass every time you call for help! I _do _have other things to do you know."

"Joeschmoe…Please? insert puppy dog eyes here "

"no"

"yes"

"no"

"yes"

"no"

"yes"

"no"

"yes"

"if I agree well you shut up and leave me alone?"

"yeppers!"

"argh, fine…your in LaThine right?"

"uh-huh"

"Alright - I'll be there shortly"

"you're the best White Mage out there Joe!"

"yeah yeah…"

Joeschmoe looked up towards the cloudless sky, and sighed.

_Why me? What I'd ever do to deserve this? Why the hell can't he just do it by himself? Why do I have to be there to kill the TWO crabs between him and the stupid retard who lost his sword? I mean, honestly , how many times is Ruillont gonna travel into Ordelle Caves without his damn sword? I swear it's all a set up…_

Joe sighed and decided he'd grab a Chocobo and ride it to Ordelle Caves, help out his friend Finite, then go and relax somewhere…maybe he'd go to Siren Sands in Valkrum Dunes and relax by the ocean or maybe even travel to Mhaura via ship…he just wanted to relax…_yeah, a ride to Mhaura is sounding real good…_

By this time Joeschmoe was already at the Chocobo stables. He exchanged small talk with the lady before handing over the money to borrow the Chocobo, with that he left with a flourish (because even though he was tired and wanted to relax he still had to keep up appearances) he was off.

He managed to get to LaThine with the help of his Chocobo and he even managed to go a little ways east, until his Chocobo decided that it would much rather chase after Walking Sapling then go to spooky Ordelle Caves… and so it ran… in the complete opposite direction…after a sapling.

Joeschmoe , being the smart sensible person he was , decided to yell and pull at the Chocobo's feathers until it stopped and turned around went in the proper direction. Or at least that's what was supposed to happen. Instead the Chocobo decided to buck up and throw Joe off so that it could continue running after the poor sapling.

So Joeschmoe sat there. And stared. And stared. Before idle wondering why he didn't just use his Teleport Holla to get here.

"JOE! You almost here?"

"Yeah, I'm c'mon…be there soon…"

"Okay Awesome"

Joeschmoe sighed. And started walking towards Ordelle Caves.

When it started raining.

And then a bright flash illuminated the sky, closely followed by a loud boom of thunder.(or is it the other way around?)

"No, Damn way! It doesn't even thunder here in LaThine!" he shouted angrily. _Everybody knows that!_

His little outburst was rewarded with more thunder and lighting as well as more rain.

_Damn._

So onward he trudged. Through rain…a few goblins…a couple over-sized worms…and some fun guars … he finally made it to the entrance of Ordelle Caves.

He ate a ginger cookie and kneeled so he could heal his MP (he's a white mage so he was getting his ass kicked by all the puny weakling monsters on his way to the caves, and thus had to use tons of his mp).

Once that was all said and done he walked into Ordelle Caves just in time to see Finite die. Joe quickly ran over killed what killed Finite (actually it just K.O.'d him but, it's just easier for me to say he died - so deal with it) .

After killing the stupid bat Joe turned to start casting Raise on Finite … and Finite wasn't there anymore. So Joe asked him Via the Link shell.

"FINITE. Where the hell are you!"

"Huh? Oh I died so I went back to my Home Point."

"I could have raised you." _stay calm stay calm stay calm stay calm stay calm …_

"Huh? Oh yeah I forgot bout that, well…Umm You can help me tomorrow. 'kay? "

_He makes it sound like I want to help…_

"…" _don't say anything, you say something and you'll just yell and then he'll manage to get you to help him with something else out of guilt…_

"By the way can you help me out tomorrow? I wanna reach Level 18 so I can get my sub but I need a power Leveler…could you help?"

"…" _don't say anything ,don't say anything ,don't say anything ,don't say anything ,don't say anything …_

"Awesome! See ya tomorrow dude!" _don't say anything ,don't say anything, don't say anyth-WAIT ?WHAT? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

" Finite? Finite? FINITE? Damn it!" _He unequipped the Link shell! That little pipsqueak!_

For a good long while Joeschmoe just stood there. Pondering what would be the best way to murder Finite.

He then sneezed.

The monsters in the area were smart they stayed away. Mainly because you could practically see the steam coming out his ears. The throbbing vain on the side of his head. His eyes practically bled red from rage.

Then he sneezed again.

He muttered curses under his breath as he got his staff from it's holder on his back.

He sneezed again.

He muttered more curses then cast Diaga II on the monsters in the immediate area.

He then Sneezed again.

And he shouted various curses at every single monster that so much as breathed the same as him…and after shouting said curses he beat the poor animals into next year.

He then cast warp. Went home. Slept. And decided that come tomorrow he was going to be missing. And by missing he meant relaxing on a ship in the middle of the ocean with no form of contacting anyone including the retarded Finite. When he returned Finite would getting the ass-kicking of the century.

-Fin-


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n : okay no reviews…but dat's okay! I mean how many ppl stop to read a ffxi fan fiction…or review? But I will say this…pls tell me if this story is any good in da form of a review…I don't care if u hate it…just tell me…**

**Disclaimer : I own not any of Final Fantasy 11 ( except for my copy of the game) it all belongs to square and whoever else owns the whole ff thing, everything else I own, but if any of u ppl who happen to read this wanna give me a really early Christmas present I wouldn't mind the whole ff franchise**

"somebody speaking"

"_Joe's thoughts"_

**---------------------------------------------------**

**Joeschmoe's very bad day…the second**

**---------------------------------------------------**

Joe was walking along the Siren Sands shore line, enjoying the sunlight - the waves gently lapping at the seaside - the screams of agonizing pain as young adventurers were killed by various aqua-type creatures that resided in the area - '_tis bliss_.

After relaxing a while longer , Joe left to catch the boat that left for Mhaura. Where he -for the rest of day- stayed at 'Sailors' Stay'- a peaceful inn in Mhaura.

After that he had been able to walk to Windurst without getting Aggro'd once on said walk. ( a near impossible feat for a Whm level 75 or not)

Upon arriving in Windurst he went to the cooking guild in Windurst Waters and bought various cooking materials and he started to cook (it was an old hobbie of his).

As he was taking his 3rd batch of Ginger Cookies out of the oven Joeschmoe heard a males voice.

"Joooooooooooooooooooooe! Joooooooooooooooooe! Hey! Joe! C'mon!"

Said voice sounded awfully familiar…_nah- just my imagination…_

He started putting the Ginger Cookies on to a plate…

"Master Joeschmoe, kupo, Sir. Finite has been knocking on the door for quite a while now, kupo.

Joe froze. He glanced around his Rent-a-Room looking for the moogle that had just spoken..

There was no moogle.

_Damn._

-

Joeschmoe groaned as he rolled over on his Noble bed, pulling the covers up and over his head as he did so.

"nnn…go…'way…"

"Joeschmoe! Dude! C'mon, Get up! You Promised to help me today ya remember?" _hmm…that sounds like Finite…WAIT FINITE!_

Joe sat up strait in bed immediately and glanced over at his window- indeed it was morning - but unfortunately what he saw in his window was not glorious sunshine gleaming through his window and into his room- no instead he saw that Baka Finite, who was the owner of the familiar voice. _I hate my life._

"Jooooooooooooooe," Finite said in a very whiney voice," Hurry Up! I wanna finish that mission then leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeveeeeeeeeeeeeeel!

Joe sighed. "Fine, I'll be out in a few…give me some privacy…" He gave Finite a look that said ' Buzz off or I'll show you the true power of my bad-ass whm/blm powers' Finite seemed to get the message because shortly after getting said look, he gave the 'ok' sign with his hand and ran off to some unknown destination. _Probably went to gamble with Varchet - damn idiots…_

Joe sighed as he went around his small room gathering his belongings that would be needed for the days events. _Yay! I get to look forward to helping Retardo Finite . Great. Note the sarcasm._

**Half an Hour Later **

Joe was very inconspicuous as here quietly exited his door.

Very very very very very very very quietly , he sneaked towards Port SanD'Oria.

_Be very quiet…don't cast any spells or it'll drew attention…just had to get on the airship to Jeuno, then possibly Kahzam, Then Norg…Then and only then will I be safe from Finite…Almost there…_

He was just about to entire the Departure/Arrival building when…

"Heya, Joeschmoe! What cha doin''?" _why? Why? WHY? **WHY?**_

"uh- Hi…um Finite…I was just uhhhhh ummmm looking for you!" _whywhywhywhy?_

"Wow? Really?"

"Uhhh - yeah, sure I was looking for you." _more like running for my life. _

"Oh! Okay, so your already then?" _It's possible for someone to be ready to go with YOU?_

"Of course! I was born for this!" _Born for this? What a crappy existence I have then._

"Yeah! That's the spirit!" _what. An. Idiot._

"Hn." _If one has no answer, merely grunt, they will translate it as they see fit._

They walked to LaThine ( Finite didn't have a Chocobo license). Killed a couple dozen Saplings on their way to Ordelle Caves. _serves the little bastards right._

The whole way there Joe found himself wishing that his 'Silence' spell worked on Finite. The idiot talked about **_everything._** And it was giving our lovely Joe a major headache.

When they finally got to the caves they went to where Ruillont was hiding behind a small boulder, and after having a short conversation with him, the pair left to find his sword…bring it back…talk to mission guy…you know the drill.

Upon arriving back in the city of SanD'Oria the pair split up to check up on how things at the Auction House were, Check there plants, tedious little things.

_Let's see my pies didn't sell, that ring sold, Somebody actually bought THOSE pants…whew, they must have a messed up sense of style…_

Joeschmoe was so busy checking the Auction House that he failed to notice a young man dressed in Samurai clothing, the man came closer, closer until…

_-----_

_Baka - Idiot_

_Whm - White mage (they are healers)_

_Blm - Black mage (they cast spells to deal damage)_

_Aggro'd - when a monster attacks you unprovoked_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N. Still no Reviews. You could change that you know…I wouldn't mind. Really.**

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_**Previously-**_

_Let's see my pies didn't sell, that ring sold, Somebody actually bought THOSE pants…whew, they must have a messed up sense of style…_

Joeschmoe was so busy checking the Auction House that he failed to notice a young man dressed in Samurai clothing, the man came closer, closer until…

_**Joeschmoe's bad day…the second and 1/2**_

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiya" The samurai yelled, as he gracefully swung his sword down upon Joeschmoe, thoroughly slicing Joeschmoe in two.

"Ha-ha! That makes it 5567 to 5566! I'm in the lead Joe!" The samurai yelled as he laughed heartily before asking a white mage nearby to raise (bring someone back from the dead or 'KO'd-ness') Joe for a hefty reward.

The mage cast raise.

Joe was resurrected.

And then a very angry growl erupted from the newly resurrected elvaan. _SO you think YOU'RE in the lead do you? I'll get you…I'll get you!_

"I'm in the leeeeeeeeeeeead. I'm in the Leeeeeeeeeeeee-eeead." _fine gloat._

"Kardos." Joe said flatly. _Stop._

"I so beat your ass in to next year! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!", The samurai started dancing to his 'Whooping sounds. _fantastic._

"Kardos."

"Oh Yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Ooooooooooh yeeeeeeeah!" _oh yeah, you're so getting it._

"Kardos shut the hell up!", Joe yelled - rather angrily I might add.

"whooop! Party ova there Whoop Whoop! Party ova here Whoo-" He never got to finish his dance, because at that moment Joe finally lost his cool. _Is he deaf? He sings like the author of this story. (_ _And that is NOT a compliment)._

Joe sighed., and started casting Banish III. Kardos was so wrapped into his little song &jig that he didn't even notice the holy light surrounding Joeschmoe until it was too late.

In other words until it him.

Kardos screamed dramatically before he fell to his knees and said slowly, clearly…and for the effect coughed out the following.

"You…you have cough now…cough tied us…in our cough eternal battle for…cough…revenge…upon one another cough." with that said and down he coughed a final time before dramatically falling to the ground outside the auction house with a flourish. _You shoulda been an actor Kardos._

"Humph. Drama Queen." Joe went over to Kardos's limp body and cast Raise, effectively resurrecting him.

Joeschmoe and Kardos continued bickering until a loud girlish shriek was heard through out all of SanD'Oria .

Joe - along with everyone else - looked over at the at the Taru warrior , who was panting erratically. "Joe," the warrior said," I need to borrow some gil!" _Why the hell would he need gil? _

"Finite why would you need to borrow gil?" _If he blew all the other gil I gave him betting with Varchet I swear I'll eat his eyes!_

"I need It so I can get my money back from Varchet!" was the hurried reply. _So he did lose it all in a bet…the damn basturd._

"You mean you lost all you're money betting with Varchet!" shouted Joe.

"Ummm - well…Yeah?" Finite looked down at his feet, playing with his hands, acting like a little kid who just got caught taking a cookie outta the cookie jar.

"Joe, ya know…Maybe you shouldn't be so hard on the kid, I mean he's still learning and everythin'. Give the kid a break." _Kardos, you just had to throw you're two cents in eh? And give him a break? As if._

"Kardos. Finite is not a kid, he's twenty-four and when the readers weren't lookin' I gave him 300,000 gil for Armor! Not gambling! I refuse to give him more, when all he's gonna do is bet it!" _there, that'll show 'em who's boss!_

Kardos just looked at Joeschmoe like he grew another head. "Joe, the kid's barely 3ft tall! Dwarfs aren't even that short!"

"Kar, They are too that short if not shorter!"

"Argh! Stop being an idiot Joe! Goblins, Dwarfs, Worms - hell even Taru's are taller then you're friend here!" Kardos stopped for a minute then looking at Finite decided to add on a few words." Not that It's your fault kid, No reason to feel ashamed that you're short."

_Now that I think about it…Finite is rather short, even for a Taru._

"Joe? Are you gonna give me some gil or not?" Finite had been getting rather bored of waiting and people talking as if he wasn't there, so he spoke up.

"Not." _I already said that didn't I?_

"Oh, Okay - well then can we go ahead and go level now? I'm getting bored."

"Yeah, Sure."

Joeschmoe started walking towards the exit that lead to West Ronfaure. Kardos followed- not even realizing that they were moving and still talking (rather animatedly might I add) about how ' the kid would most probably get blown over by the wind generated by an Akbaba's wings and then get squished by some soul how didn't see the kids sorry ass because the runts as small as a house fly'.

Finite followed the two taller men grumbling about something similar to 'being a Taru' and how 'they were all around his size' and about how it's not his fault everybody else were giants.

At about mid-way through West Ronfaure Kardos asked Joe about where they were headed.

"We," replied Joeschmoe," are going to Valkrum Dunes to help raise Finite's level up to level 20."

"Oh - Okay, What level is the kid now?"

"16"

"Oh- so well also be getting his sub job too?" _I forgot 'bout the sub job, I hope he has to return home before then…_

"Most likely"

"'Kay"

For a few minutes there was only silence and the natural sounds of the forest until realization dawned on Kardos.

"You mean FINITE? The Taru Warrior? The Taru Warrior of a thousand deaths?" Kardos shouted in fear.

"Heh, So you've heard of the great of me have you?" said Finite with an air of smugness.

"WHAT? Of course I haven't heard of you! One needs time and work to become as famous as Myself an and Joeschmoe." Kardos's voice cracked here and there when he spoke." By the way Joe, I need to speak with you…,"he glanced at Finite, barely suppressing a shudder," Alone."

Finite nodded smiling at the knowledge that his names getting around, And went to kill an Orcish Fodder that happened to be walking around nearby.

Kardos watched as Finite went off to kill the Fodder before dragging Joe over to a tree a little way aways from where they were standing before and a long ways away from where Finite was fighting.

"Joe." He said in a very serious voice.

"Kardos" Joe said in an equally serious voice.

"Jooooooooooooe! Do you know who that kid is? He's the Taru warrior of a thousand level 75 adventurers deaths. Finite the Terrible. We can't help that…that…THING! We can't . We help him we'll end up like everybody else! DEAD. He'll kill us so many times that we'll end up level 50 again! Do you want that to happen to us? Eh? EH? **EH?**" Kardos said in a frantic whisper , and spared a quick glace at Finite who had just finished off the Orc and was now working on a Forest Hare.

"Listen, Kardos. I've heard the rumors too, and although I know they are true if a bit exaggerated, The only real reason anyone actually ends up dead is because Finite mooches off of them and then leaves causing all hell to break loose and the death of friends."

"Then WHAT are we still doing here? Do you want to end up like Kana? Kikyo? Kozue? Agatone? Izayou? Abel? His twin brother Avel? Taigo? Need I continue? We need to get out of here! And we need to do it NOW!"

"Listen, I know that being around Finite probably isn't very good for our own health - but I have a plan. It won't make Finite leave us alone but it WILL make it so he doesn't leech off of other people and making him a better person and it make him realize that we are not his servants!"

"Joe do you think that's a good idea? I mean what if we end up like Taigo? I really did end up back at level 50..."

"Of course it's a good idea! Look we'd not only be helping ourselves and Finite but we'd also be helping high level people everywhere…Think about it…please" as he said this Finite walked over with 3 rabbit hides and an Orcish Axe.

"You guys mind if I stop by the Outpost to sell this stuff real quick?" Finite asked hopefully.

"Uh- go ahead we'll be there shortly." Joe said as he turned back to Kardos.

"'kay" , and with that he was gone. _unfortunately he will return. Life sucks like that._

For a few minutes both men stood there and stared at each other without really seeing each other.

"I don't know, I still think he should run to somewhere he can't get us like Norg and hide." said Kardos after a long moment.

"Aww, C'mon Kar! It's not like it's not for a good cause!"

"What's not for a good cause?" _You._

"Nothing, Finite, Nothing. But Kardos…about what I said…what's you're decision?" Joe looked at Kardos as he said this silently begging for him to agree and help him on his self-given journey.

Kardos looked long and hard at Joe before sighing dramatically.

"I suppose I could help you on your quest, my friend. However, should my sigh wonderful Artifact Armor lose any of it's luster, brilliance, or I just can't equip it, You will pay dearly.", Kardos looked at his long-time best friend before smiling and saying, "Now should we be off? We seem to have a long day ahead of us!"

And with that the pair and one-half continued on their journey to Valkrum Dunes, Two of the people in mentioned previously desperately trying to come up with a plan and the other one was just thinking about how after he reached level 18 he'd get his sub-job.

-TO BE CONTINUED-

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_**A/N : **_

**1. Yes, Finite is a Taru. Yes. He is Warrior. **

**Kardos means 'Swordsman' figured since Kardos was a samurai it fit. **

**PLEASE READ AND REVIEW**

**You know that little purple box on the bottom of the page? Click and leave me a cute little review…or a scorching flame…or anything…please…?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer. Everything is owned by whoever owns Final Fantasy 11 (which I think is SquareEnix) EXCEPT all the characters that I made up and the plot...if you can call it that.**

**Warnings. Language. Perverted-ness (only a little bit though) and ummm some sarcasm.**

"talking"

_Joe thinking_

'Kardos thinking'

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**Joeschmoe. Chapter Four**

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Joeschmoe, Finite and Kardos walked through the archway that separated Selbina from the Valkrum Dunes.

Finite waved and went to the docks saying, "I'm going to fish while waiting for an invite to a party."

The other two boys went and looked for a place to hide. After arguing like an old married couple for a good five minutes, they both agreed on hiding out on top of the Fishing Guild so that they could keep an eye on Finite whilst they schemed.

"So," said Kardos as he looked out over the ocean "Do you have any ideas as to how we are going to stop Finite the Terrible?"

"Eh?" _Oh right, how to stop Finite from killing all the high-levels…_

"Do you know how we're going to kick some sense into Finite's over-sized head?" Kardos sounded a little bit agitated at having to repeat himself.

"Oh- yeah…_that…_umm well…"

"You don't know how, do you?"

"Nope."

"Fantastic."

"Indeed." _I love sarcasm._

And so the duo sat there racking their brain for a way to succeed in bringing Finite to justice…or at least making it so Finite did not kill everybody. Until…

"Joooooooooooooooooooooooooe." whined Kardos.

"What?"

"My mind has come up with…Nada. Why didn't you plan this all out? How the hell are we, two insignificant - but damn sexy - elvaan warriors who -"

"Who are NOT going to get their asses kicked by some low level Taru warrior! We have been adventuring for a long while before he so much as thought of become an adventurer! We have all the Artifact Armor! What does he got? He has got a level 11 brass out fit! We can do this! Got That? Now sit your ass down and we _will _overcome this. Okay?" Joeschmoe tuned his hand into a fist and punched the air, to add to his little speech.

"Joe. We. Have. Nothing. We have no ideas whatsoever as to how to get Finite to stop doing … well anything! "Kardos sighed dejectedly and looked out at the ocean looking like he was going to cry. ' I can't believe it…I was going to be famous! Famous! I could have gotten all the ladies I wanted, All the money I wanted…I would have been a hero…But no. Damn it.'

"You know…your right. This was stupid to begin with." _Damn it all. I was oh - so looking forward to having a 'meeting' with the lovely Mithra ladies in Windurst. Not to mention all the gil… the fame…Damn it cruel world! Why do you torture me so?_

Both men sighed as they stared out over the ocean. Romeo who had been crafting a wastebasket out of low-level weapons glanced at the two young men who sat by the ledge of the roof looking out towards the ocean. 'They look so sad sitting there almost as if their entire world has fallen down right in front of the eyes' thought Romeo. And as he was about to go and console and the two men, when a voice that greatly resembled a purr said,

"So, you'rrrre both going to trrrry and teach Finite the Terrrrible a lesson?" A very beautiful female's voice asked.

"Ummm- uhhh- unnn- yeah. Yeah, Of course!" Kardos said as he tried (and failed) to regain his cool whilst in the presence of the incredibly sexy Mithra angel before him.

Joe just rolled his eyes at his Kardos's antics. "Hey Cena, How you been?"

"Hello Joe, I have been grrreat. I was passing thrrrrough when I overhearrrrd yourrr conversation. What you said…was it true? That you're going to try and kill … that thing?" As she said 'Thing' she had looked down at the ground below where Finite sat fishing, whistling a tuneless tune while he waited for a party to invite him.

"Eh? Not kill, but teach him a lesson. We were trying to come up with a way to teach him how to stop being such a thief. "Joeschmoe said as he too looked over at Finite.

"I see. "said Cena.

By now, Kardos was practically sitting in a puddle of his own drool, eye staring at Cena and absorbing nothing but 2 things.

1. The angel's voice was like a - a ... It was like something so beautiful that mere words could not explain.

2. The angel's body was something to be marveled. Something to be worshipped.

"So you both have no idea on how yourrr going to get Finite to learrrn his lesson?" Purred Cena.

"No." Joeschmoe said flatly.

Kardos still drooled. _Ewww._

"I see. I think that I have an idea to help in yourrr cause, would you care to hearrr it?"

"Ahhhh- Yes! Tell me my angel! Anything for you my love!" Joe and Cena took a cautious step backwards before continuing their conversation. _Geez, down boy..._

"Well, What I was going to say was my idea..."

"Go on!" said two eager voices. _Tell me. Tell me. Tell me!_

"Well, you know how I'm a Beast Masterrr rrright? I think we can use that to ourrr advantage when teaching young Finite not to leech experrrience points off of parrrties...What do you think?" ,asked Cena as she glanced back and forth between the drool covered Kardos and the not-drool covered Joeschmoe.

"What - dearest lady -do you have in mind?" asked Joe, and the three began their scheaming. _oh yes...this will be fun. Finite you will pay for all you have done and then some! Mwahahaha!_

And Finite continued to fish oblivious to the pain that he was soon to endure...

---

**A medium time later (you know not soon but not too much later)...**

---

"So you got a party, Finite?" asked Joeschmoe.

"Yeah, their over by the old shipwreck...We're supposed to kill Pugils." (A/n: I solo so I don't know what level you start killing Pugils in Valkrum Dunes...forgive me if the info is wrong)

"Alright, let's get goin'!" _Mwahahaha you are so gonna get it Finite!_

Joe and Finite both walked to the old shipwreck. (Joe cast Invisible and sneak on himself and Finite.)

Before long they arrived at the shipwreck , and they saw the party.

"Hey! I have arrived!" Said Finite in a happy-type voice. _They look ecstatic...not._

"Yo. Glad you could join us Finite, you're gonna be a backup warrior...we don't have a white mage so - Joe was it...- your going to be our main healer, Flutters is our thief (a/n: female), Emerald (a/n: male) Is my name and I'm the Summoner, Warrior is Ad(a/n: male), the Black Mage is Bob (a/n: male... go figure) , and our monk is Windy(a/n: female) ." Emerald had pointed to everybody as he said their respective names, "Got that John?"

"Joe" _Never did like Emerald He always leaves me to die when ever we party...Bastard...maybe we can kill him off while we're teachin' Finite a lesson...make it look like an accident..._

"Oh...well, got that Joe?"

"Yeah, I got it...Why don't you guys go ahead and pull a monster, eh?" _Then we can start project _

_Finite: Experience Points Leeching ... hehehe ... I can't waaaaaaaait!_

Joeschmoe smiled deviously before taking out a newly created Link Shell called 'Death's Door', and into he whispered:

"OK, they have started pulling monsters..."

"What kind of mob are they pulling Dark Healerrr?" Asked a feminine voice.

"Wha? How come he get's to be 'Dark Healer' I want a cool name too!" whined another.

"How 'bout Doofus? That sounds like a good name for you Kardos!" said Joeschmoe. _heh, doofus..._

"You're both being idiots but while we're on the subject, I wish to be called 'Neko'...Got that boys?"

"Yes ma'am." choresed Krados and Joe.

"How 'bout my name be 'Neko's Lover'?

Laughing was transmitted through the Link Shell. "Sure you can name yourself that, " said Joe"But only if you want to get your ass kicked."

"You name yourrr self that and you'll be dead before you can even finish saying my name, got that?" thrented Cena.

As Joe's laughter died down, Krados came up with another name.

"I still want a secret name...ooooo how about 'Killing Prefection'? _oooo, sounds deadly..._

"Killing Perfection? Sounds good to me...Cen - I mean Neko? What do you think?"

"Fine...Now what mob did you say they were pulling?" _Cena's. No. Fun._

"Eh? Hold on Neko- let me heal the party...", A bunch of sounds were heard most of which consisted of shouts that Joe should stop blabbing and start healing. "Okay they are pulling Pugils."

"Pugs? Alrighty...let us see if they can handle this one...Dark Healer, Be ready."

"Got it." _I was born for this._

The Link Shell suddenly became quiet all 3 waiting for their plan to be put into action.

----

**With 'Neko' and 'Killing Perfection'**

---

"So Neko...what exactly are you going to do?" Asked Killing Perfection.

"Well, Killing Perfection, I simply have to cast 'Charm' on one the monsters - for our mission it will be a Pugil - and then I will make sure that it dosen't die when I send it to attack Finite's party."

"Simple as that?"

"Simple as that."

"You know..." Killing Perfection said as he stepped to stand closer to Neko, "You have a really nice ass..." He showed Neko how much he appreciated her ass - by groping it.

"Keep your hands to yourself pervert!" shouted Neko.

---

**Back with Joeschmoe and Finite of a Thousand Deaths**

**---**

A loud SLAP was heard throughout all of Vana'Diel.

"Hey - ummm - Neko? Killing Perfection? You guys okay?" asked Joeschmoe through the Linkshell.

"Fine Joe, we're fine. Just teaching KP over here to keep his hands to himself."

"'kay".

"Alright John, Flutters accidentially pulled two Pugils instead of one, You can make sure we don't die, right?" Said Emerald. _My names NOT JOHN!_

"It's Joe."

"Whatever."

Finite had been sleeping the whole time the party had been fighting. Which by now was about 1 thousand experiences points worth of fighting- and he was getting experience without doing anything. _Lazy little Taru is gonna get it..._

The two pugils were both visoucly attacking the party.

Joe healed them when they were fighting the first pugil but when it came to second Pugil, He stopped saying his Magic Points were gone.

"Ahhhhh!" yelled Ad as he used his Weapon Skill on the second Pugil. It's health had been nearly depleted before, so the Weapon Skill should have killed it. _No such luck I'm afriad._

"What?! It's Heath ... It's completely healed! Finite! Help us before we Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie." yelled Emerald. As his health had been depleted and he died as he uncerrmoniously fell to the ground in a heap , Finite woke up. _Emerald's dead. Emerald's dead! EMERALD'S DEAD! It's a dream come true! Hurray!_

The pugil stopped attacking the others even though they did not cease their attacks upon him.

It's beady little eyes honed in on Finite's form lying on the ground. And He dove for him.

Finite screamed.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOE! Help MEEEE!" shouted Finite.

Finite started running in circles around Joe - the other party members only stared on in wonderment, Because the Pugil should be attacking them. Finite never once did anything to aggrivate said Pugil, except maybe sleeping...but that wouldn't annoy the Pugil would it...?

"Don't just stand there! Help me! Heal me! SOMETHING!" Finite screamed.

"Sorry Fin, But I'm out of Magic Points. I can't heal you." Said Joe who was struggling to not sound like he hadn't had a thing to do with this and that he wasn't enjoying the show...Which he was enjoying...alot.

"Well...can't MY party help me out?" squeled Finite as he tried (and failed) to dodge another one of the Pugils attacks.

"Well," Flutters said as she watched Finite run around like he was being chased by a ghost. "We would but you slept the entire time we have been partying...I don't really see why we should risk our necks when you wouldn't even raise a finger to help us."

"Well put my friend", said Ad. "Good luck Finite. You will need it."

Finite ran...and ran...and he ran some more...until he died. At which point he went back to SanD'Oria via his Home Point, and he pouted. How mature.

"Now that Finite is gone, Emerald wishes you to cast 'Raise' on him." said Flutters.

"Eh? No. Tell him it's payback for last month when he ditched me in the middle of a party. However the rest of you I will gladly heal." And Joeschmoe did as he said he would. He healed the party and Left Emerald to die and deteriorate in the sand. How kind.

---

**The troublesome trio have reuntied on top of the Fishing Guild**

**---**

"So? Mission Accomplished?" asked Kardos.

"Yep. I'm pretty damn sure Finite learned his lesson...at least about Leeching experience." replied Joe.

"I agrrree." agreed Cena.

"So what do we do now?" asked Kardos.

"Go to bed. We'll do another mission tommorow...or the next day...or possibly even the day after that..." said Joeschmoe.

"Hmmmm, well what ever you choose I will shall not be accompanying you next time." said Cena.

"What?! But...But...But...please stay!" cried Kardos who was the verge of tears of finding out that his angel was leaveing him.

"Sorrry, But I have things that I must do...Until we meet aga-" SLAP "Ahem- keep your hands to yourself pervert...Until we meet again." she bowed then left.

Joeschmoe and Kardos both walked back home to SanD'Oria, one massageing thier face trying to get the stinging to go away, the other was trying to think of what Finite's next lesson would be.

-----------

Glossary

Invisible and Sneak do as their names imply - they turn you invisible and make it so you make no sound whilst walking. They spell is only temporary though.

Thief - once again is as the name implies.

Summoner - they can summon creatures to help them in battle.

Warrior and monk are both damage dealers.

Beastmasters - they can cast charm and (depending on which mob it is) the monster will be under your control.

Mob - I hope I been using it in the right context... Mob (I think) means a certain monster type... if I'm wrong please tell me.

Pulling is when you bring mobs to your camp (wherever it is that your party's at) so you can kill it there with out having to worry about being killed y unexpected monsters.

----

A/N

---

Yeah yeah...I know Kardos sounds like and acts like Miroku from Inuyasha but...I couldn't help it...I've just been reading too many Inuyasha fanfictions as of late.

So... What cha think? I think that you should tell me in the form of a revieeeeew! Please? Pretty Please? With a cherry on top? Or an m&m on top? A skittle? something else sweet? PLEASE?


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own anything here except for the crappy storyline (if you can even call it that) and my original characters.

A/n: I dedicate this chapter to all who reviewed so far and who will (hopefully) do so in the future!

'thoughts'

"talking"

_Joe's thoughts_

action done in the middle of a sentence

-----------------------

Joeschmoe the fifth

-----------------------

In the dark of night , a lone wind swept throughout South SanD'Oria.

Finite looked around wondering where everybody was.

"Normally there are people here no matter what time of day it is..." Finite said to himself.

But this time there was nobody in the area.

A howl broke the desolate silence. _'Maybe I'll just got to bed now, Joeschmoe will understand that I didn't tell him I'm back from leveling in Valkrum Dunes...' _another loud howl erupted from the otherwise silent area. _'Yeah, he'll most definatly understand.' _And with that Finite ran to his home the in Residetal Area sporting a big wet spot in the front of his pants.

---

Meanwhile in the maze we call 'Windurst'

---

"Wow, Joe - your idea to make our own costumes was great! I mean, I've never seen a Yagudo costume

(a/n 1) before!", said Kardos as he and Joeschmoe put the finishing decorations on their Harvest Festival costumes.

"Yeah, this is going to be great!" agreed Joe. _Harvest Festival! Harvest Festival! Harvest Festival!_

Both men stood up and looked proudly at their outfits. Joeschmoe's out fit was a purple/black/blue - ish color...like most Yagudo's are, where as Kardos's outfit was a lighter verson of the purple/black/blue - ish color. And both costumes were covered in blood (gathered from now deceased mobs that were stupid enough to attack them) dirt and grime...even a couple earthworms and slugs...

They both also changed their jobs to better suit the Yagudo they were trying to imitate. In other words Joeschmoe was a Summoner/Whitemage and Kardos was a Bard/Beastmaster (A/n. yea, I am pretty sure that Yags don't have sub-jobs but you can't un-sub-job yourself and so they have sub-jobs).

"So, Joe should we be heading back to SanD'Oria now that we have our outfits?" asked Kardos.

"Yeah, I s'pose we should get going... "

"Right." Both sighed and started cleaning up the left over Yagudo Feathers, glue, paper machae beaks, Hand-to-Hand weapons they were going to use as claws and the over all mess they maid in their Rent-a-Room.

"Where the hell is Mog? I do have a Moogle for a reason...Damn it! Why in the hell is there dagger underneath all this mess?!" grumbled Joeschmoe as he sliced his foot open on the Bronze Dagger they had used in place of scissors.

"We used it. Remember?"

"No."

"Well...we used it. And then we probably forgot 'bout it...Hey your bleeding!" _Well, No duh. _"Here, I'll sing a song and you'll be all healed!"

Krados started singing.

Kardos stopped singing.

Joeschmoe suddenly felt ill.

"Uhhh...Joe? You alright?", when Joe didn't immediatly respond Kardos tried again. "Joooe? You okay? I cast Army's Paeon ... Joooeschmoe...?"

"Ugh...I...Dun...feeeeel sooo goood..."

"Ugh..." and with that Joeschmoe got up (he had fallen to his knees after Kar had cast the spell) and ran to the restroom.

---

The next morning in SanD'Oria( It was rather late when Joe and Kar had finished the costumes)

---

"The Harvest Festival?" Finite said to himself as he read a poster put up by Moogles some time in the night.

The poster read :

_Harvest Festival !_

_This Darksday dress up and haunt your friends. Enjoy scareing, being scared and many foods fit for the dead. No One is Safe at the Harvest Festival!_

_Talk to your Neiborhood Moogle for more details_

_Happy Hauntings!_

(A/n. so the advertisement sucks, good thing i'm not going into the advertisment industry when I 'grow up')

Finite stared a moment before the words 'lost souls', 'dead' and 'creepy' set into his mind and he smirked a rather cocky smirk and ideas began to pop into his head about what to do for this Festival.

_'This years Harvest Festival' _thought Finite _'Is going to be the best one SanD'Oria has ever seen...'_

_---_

Back in Windurst type areas

---

Kardos and Joeschmoe leaned over the railing on the boat that went from Mhara to Selbina.

"I can't believe you cast 'Foe Requiem II' on me! How could you something so stupid?!" said Joeschmoe increduously.

"It was an accident! Geez, I said sorry..." muttered Kardos as he looked out at the ocean not really careing that a ghost ship with the undead were pulling up next to the boat that he and Joe were currently rideing on.

"How can you mistake that? There two completely diffrent songs!"

"I said I was sorry.."

"Dumbass..."

---

somewhere in the bestest city of Vana'Diel (SanD'Oria)

--

"Heh heh heh...thanks for helping me out Cyric. I dunno know how I'd pull this off without you." said Finite as he finished casting the forbidden spell (A/n : yeah- he's still a warrior but...warriors should get some magic right? so here - all of the Warriors out there who wanted to cast powerful spells, or just spells in general, but were unable to do so - you can have your very own forbidden spell that I created for this fic. )

"No problem, dude. You know, I always help a friend in need." said the Tarutaru who was standing near Finite. This mysterious Taru looked like most other Taru's except for the fact that he was bald and was currently wearing a green outfit that somewhat resembled a toad.

---

Still in the boat that transports people to and fro Selbina and Mhaura .

---

"I wonder if any of these skeletons were good looking people before they became skeletons." wondered Kardos as he watched other adventuers fight and attept to stop the skeletons from severing their heads from the rest of their bodies.

"Eh - I dunno...But that Elvaan chick standing by that blonde Hume is hot."

"Nuh-uh...the Hume is way better lookin' then her!"

"Nuh-uh"

"Yeah-huh"

"Nuh-uh"

Both adults continued in this way for some time, neither caring that the skeletons were running ranpant outside the cockpit(An: sorry for my in-accuracy on this one... I dunno what the part of the boat were the driver is called so...if you know tell me please and I will most likely correct it), because they knew that so long as they were near Bhagirath or Sahn (the drivers of the ships unless is wrong) that the mobs wouldn't touch a hair on their heads or any other part of them for that matter.

---

There's a lot of scene changes huh?

---

"Now for the final summoning..." said Cyric as he prepared the ingredients for the 'Final Summoning'," Fin, hand me three giant sheep meats, 12 rabbit meats, 2 Flint stones and 89 Ginger Cookies...And some Wizard Cookies too if you have some..."

"What? Why?" asked Finite rather confusedly.

"So I can finish...duh..."

"But I don't have any of that stuff..."

"You don't...?"

"No..."

"Damn...Let's go shopping...we only have so much time..."

---

Scene change again...only now we're in Valkrum

---

"I swear if I get asked to Power Level someone one more time I'm gonna..." Joe left it hanging for...uh - why ever it is we leave those threats hanging...to leave the imagination to come up with gruesome pain filled deaths? Yeah...we'll go with that one.

"Aww...Joe, you shouldn't be upset! The fact that people are just asking you even when your NOT a white mage shows how good of a PLer you are!" said Kardos in an attempt to cheer Joeschmoe up, needless to say it wasn't working.

"Either that or their idiots."

"Not necessarily, you do have a White Mage sub job." pointed out Kardos.

"I'm level twenty."

"A fact they probably don't know." Kardos said in attempt to stop his friend from going on a rampage. Which would only end in Joeschmoe being killed by some kid effectively making Joe's mood worsen...Kardos could not allow this to happen.

"I WILL NOT PL ANYBODY!" shouted Joeschmoe.

All of Valkrum was silent. More Silence. A cough. Then...

"Great, lets get going Joe, We still have to make it to SanD'Oria before sunrise!" said an enthusiastic Kardos.

"Yeah, yeah - I'm coming Mr. I-can't-sing-the-right-song-to-heal-my-best-friends-injury."

"I said I was SORRY!"

---

SanD'Oria...wonders why the 'D' is capitalized...

---

"Oooo! So your shopping?" said a rather bouncy ball energy. Said ball of energy was a Mithra. The Mithra had orange hair, a long tail, and other qualities of a teenage Mithra. (A.n : so I'm not that descriptive, It's for a good cause! Who ever reads this their imagination is getting one helleva workout)

"Stop moving your tail back and forth Etsu, it's driving me and Cyric insane." complained Finite as he and Cyric did they shopping in 'Raimbroys Grocery' (A/n. I think that's what it's called but my eyes have bothering me lately so I could be wrong...).

"Aww, But I wanna help you I can make lots of things! I can make Pumpkin Pies, I can make Orange Juice, I can make Honey, I can make soymilk, I can make...

After that the two Taru's just blocked her out and wondered how she came to be their friend and on their link shell 'The', they didn't know why their Link shell was called ' the '...just was.

"And I can make Goblin Chocolate and I can make -" Etsu was cut off by Cyric.

"You can make candy?"

"Yessir!" Etsu didn't roll her 'r's either...it's because she was raised in Bastok, with a family of Galkans.

"Would you like to cook me and Finite some candy?" asked Cyric in a sly voice.

"Whoa? You'll let me cook? Awesome! I need SanD'Orian Flour, and Honey and...

Both Tarutaru's set to running around Raimbroy's Grocery and buying anything and everything that they would need for their 'Forbidden Spell' and Candies.

---

LaThine Plateau

---

"Jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe! Can we rest? We've been traveling all night and all day!" whined Kardos.

"Why don't you just cast 'Army's Paeon' eh?"

"Why don't you just get over that? It was an accident." Kardos looked around the area they were currently standing on. "OOO- look Joeschmoe a Strolling Sapling! Let's go feed it!"

"Why would I want to feed those...disgusting things. I hate them."

Kardos looked at him horror. "You...You hate...-YOU HATE SAPLINGS?"

Kardos stopped and stared at Joe for a while. Joeschmoe didn't stop walking. When Kardos realized this, he squealed like a little schoolgirl and caught up.

"Why do you hate them so?" Asked Kardos.

"Don't wanna talk 'bout it." _drop it..._

"Why not?"

"'Cause." _drop it..._

"Cause why?"

"Kardos?"

"Yea?"

"Shut. The. Hell. Up." Joeschmoe said with the Venom of a thousand ... Venom-y things. (An: I was going to put something game related there but...couldn't find what I wanted on stinks like that sometimes)

---

In Finite's Moghouse in SanD'Oria

---

"Etsu, put the fire out!!!!!!!" shouted Cyric as he struggled to get all the ingredients for the 'Forbidden spell' out of harms way.

"EEEEEK! My tail!" Shouted Etsu as she ran around in circles trying to put it out.

"Etsu. STOP." shouted Finite.

"Buuuuuuuuuuuuut my tails on fire!!!!!" she shouted as she continued to run in circles.

"Then put it out!" yelled Cyric.

---

I think I just like putting all the lines in here...

---

"I still don't believe you hate Saplings..." muttered Kardos as he and Joe walked through West Ronfaure.

"No worse then you singing the wrong song and POISONING me..." retorted Joeschmoe.

---

Finite and pals

---

"My house is trashed." said a rather glum Finite as we looked dejectedly around his small house.

"I'm sorry Finite...I didn't think that would happen..." said a sorry Etsu.

"It's no problem Etsu but the Ingredients for the 'Forbidden spell' ... are they still useable?" Finite asked Cyric.

"Fortunately, Yes...Help me put it into the pot..." and the three troublemakers got to work.

---

A few hours later at about 18:00 ... that's when it get's dark right?

---

Finite, Cyric and Etsu had moved all their candy and their big pot of potion-type-stuff (that they were going to use for the 'Forbidden Spell') to they tent that Valeriano normally occupied when he visited SanD'Oria. (At the moment he's in...i dunno...Windurst)

"Do you think it's gonna work?" Etsu whispered to Cyric.

"Dunno...I sure hope so, I worked hard on it..."

Finite began casting the spell, and I would love to describe it here, however its magnificence was too great for mere words to describe so I won't bother. (just use your imagination, I'm to lazy to use mine)

After the light from the spell faded (cause all spells have some sort of light involved), two dozen different streams of light erupted from the pot that had Cyric's Potion-y substance and left the tent.

---

With Joe and Kar

---

Joeschmoe and Kardos were both busy staring at a group of woman dressed in - _is that even considered cloths? I love the Harvest Festival!_

Well anyways both men were minding there own business when bright streams of white light came flying out of the tent Valeriano usually used while in SanD'Oria...'Course the boys didn't notice this until AFTER the girls ran away screaming something about the undead. Only then did they notice the undead beings trying to annilate all that wasn't dead.

Both men pulled out there weapons.

And started whoopin' ass as best as they could with a small stick shaped like a paddle, a cute rodent (remember Joe's a Summoner), a dull dagger and a flute.

Sometime passed before the pair realized that you could not kill something that is dead the same way you would kill something alive.

"Use white magic, Kar" shouted Joeschmoe as he cast cure on one of the Undead trying to eat his arm.

"I doesn't matter, they have 100,000,000 Heath Points!" _What? Is that even possible?_

"What do you mean by that?"

"Precisely what I said! I think we have to kill their boss..." _Duh, why didn't I think of that?_

Both started looking around for a 'Boss'. They didn't find one...But what they did find was Finite and co. stealing candy from an abandoned shop.

And suddenly they both (Kardos and Joeschmoe) had a revelation.

_Finite's the 'Boss'! I see..._

Joeschmoe made some weird hand gestures at Kardos who nodded, (no the hand gestures were implying nothing perverted) and they both, carefully stepping over KO'd people, made there way towards Finite and co.

---

A little ways away with Finite

---

"Hurry! The spell will only last so long!" Finite said hurriedly as he finished filling up another bag of candy and expensive goods.

"We're hurrieing, we're hurrying" mumbled Cyric as he and Etsu helped Finite fill up the bags.

There was a sound of something hitting a wall behind them. Then silence...well almost silence, they thought they heard whispering but the trio decided it was just their imagination at went back to work a little bit more on edge then before.

Another odd sound...only this one sounded like flesh being tore.

'That's odd' thought Finite,' The spell's not supposed to make people's flesh be tore open.' It did not occur to Finite that the monsters he was using as a distraction would tear at peoples flesh and cause bodily harm.

A few more odd sounds...a couple screams of terror from people being K.O.'d by the mobs...and Finite and co. were on complete edge, so when Kardos and Joeschmoe jumped out at them from behind a small shop Finite literally jumped 4feet in the air and screamed like a little girl (as did Etsu, although since she WAS female she had more reason to scream like then Finite did, and Cyric).

The trio all ran off in different directions and their leader (Finite) ran off with a wet spot in the front of his pants.

Joeschmoe and Kardos looked around Sothern SanD'Oria, they glanced around noticed that all KO'd had returned from the dead, they noticed that all the undead were back to their usual zombie like self's.

And then they both looked at each and went off to see if those lovely girls would be willing to 'congratulate' them on saving the city...and any perverted-ness in that last statement was supposed to be there.

---

The Author's Notes

---

Holy Sardines Batman! This chapter is 8 pages long! Eight! laughs insanely

A/n 1 : I don't know if there are Yagudo costumes so... shrugs

So ... I created a spell...wonderful thing 'bout fanfiction...you can bend it to your will 'cause there's no reason to stay to the facts...If one wanted to they could totally BS their was throughout it all...so there. I see no reason why I shouldn't be aloud to create a 'forbidden' spell...just don't ask why Fin gets it even though Cyric is doing all the work...mainly because I haven't come up with a suitable answer as of yet.

And I apologize for the long wait of this chapter. I kinda had writers block and was just lazy.

So yeah-sorry.

Now that I have apologized and we are hopefully on good terms, again...you think maybe...you could possibly review? Pretty please? I'll update faster...


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Final Fantasy stuffs. Final Fantasy belongs to it's rightful owner (not me).The only stuffs I own is my own made up characters and the stupid plot…which isn't really a 'plot' considering I'm just making up as I go…**

"talking"

_Joe thinking_

'thinking by somebody other then Joe'

(and anything' I - the authoress - wanna throw in there will be done in these)

**---**

**Joeschmoe the Sixth**

---

Joeschmoe sighed dejectedly as he stepped in another pile of Forest Tiger crap. _Today is just not my day…_

"Hey, Joe! Look what I found! It's a tree!" yelled Finite. _Oooo, you found a tree…In a damn forest… Sometimes I worry about you Fin…_

"Hey, the tree moved!" Finite said again via the 'Tell'.

"Fantastic." was Joe's un-enthusiastic reply. _What's so special about a lil' bit of wind…?_

"Hey Joe! The tree…It's…uh…HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!" _What's wrong NOW? I swear - If it's another sapling…_

But it wasn't another Sapling. It was the Sapling's distant relative - the Walking Tree.

Dosen't sound so formidable…_Until it attacks you and die a slow pitiful death - and by a tree no less! A tree!_

Joeschmoe stared at the Walking Tree for a long moment wondering if he should even try killing the thing. It was after all related to the evil Saplings so should he try to kill it…? _Dammit, it would be so much easier to think if Finite stopped squeeling…_

Finite, convenitly enough, the sqeeling had stopped. _Wait…that's not right…if the sqeeling stopped then…_

Joeschmoe glanced at where he last saw Finite. And he did indeed see Finite, lying face down, a puddle of blood slowly forming around him…and a frw tree shaped bruises were or had been forming were on various places of his body…and _suddenly I don't feel like fighting these things…_

A couple seconds after reaching that decision Joe started casting Teleport-Holla (A/n. It's a spell the transports you to La Theine Plateau) when ,inconveniently enough, his spell casting was interrupted.

_Damn. _

So Joe started casting again. And was interrupted again, However this time instead of merely interrupting his spell casting the stupid plant decided to break his brand-spanking-new weapon 'Kirin's Pole'.

_And it…it…it…broke…weapon…broke…weapon…broke…hours…weeks…wasted…broke…_

Joeschmoe suddenly didn't really want to leave. No, he much rather violently tear each layer of bark off the abominations called 'trees', then slowly take an axe and slowly cut every single twig - every single branch until the…thing…was dead.

Unfortunately he was unable to fulfill this wish due to the fact that he not only had no axe, but was also now staff-less. _Guess I'll just have to kill it by using Hand-to-Hand._

And after Joeschmoe failed to hit it after 5 full minutes He remembered his Hand-to-hand ability was a grand total of 0. _Well F._

Joeschmoe backed up until he hit a different not-alive tree…or at least he thought it was unalive until it moved and with it's branches forced him to move away from it and into a circle of other alive trees…and as Joeschmoe stood there preparing to fight for his life, Joeschmoe cursed any and all Gods out there who got him into this mess.

And a few rather …violent…moments later, Joe laid there waiting for some adventurer to come and find his KO'd body and (hopefully) resurrect him, He wondered how exactly did he get himself into this mess…?

---

Flashback. Why? 'Cause I said so.

---

Kardos had long since left to…ummm…get some 'sleep' with a young lady he'd been flirting with.(A.n: snorts as if he'll actually be getting any sleep) And so Joeschmoe was left with a lovely batch of woman to - eh - 'talk' to, and his night was going rather well…until Finite walked in to the Lion's Springs Tavern.

All fun pretty much stopped right there.

"JOOOOOOOOOOOOOE! Guess what dude?"

"Hn?" grunted a now gloomy Joeschmoe.

"I reached level 20." as Fin said this he puffed out his chest and held his chin up high expecting a compliment for getting this far without any help whatsoever from a power leveler…well since the whole Pugil incident anyway…But Finite preferred to not talk about that.

"Hn." _If he leaves maybe the girls will come back…please let them come back…?_

"Hey, uh - Joe…well ya know…"

"Hn." _Maybe if I just keep saying 'Hn' he'll go away…please let him go away…please let him go away…_

"Since I'm level 20 now I was wondering if…" After that Joeschmoe's thoughts wondered off to slightly less pure thoughts…okay a lot less pure thoughts…

"So can you?" Finite looked at Joe expectantly. Joe realized he should probably reply so he stuck to his plan and replied.

"Hn."

"Really? That's awesome! Thanks Joe, Nobody else would take me to Jueno or lend me the gil for the Chocobo License, you have no idea what this means to me. Well, see ya tomorrow at dawn. Night!" And then he left.

"Hn." Replied Joe not realizing that Finite had already left. _Wait…What? ARGH! Haven't I learned my lesson about not paying attention when the kid speaks? _

Joe grudgingly got up and dragged himself to the door and slowly walked to his mog house with his head downcast.

"I guess…The ladies…and I…won't be able to…have any…fun…" sniffled Joeschmoe…who after a moment burst into tears and slowly went home - alone - as in with nobody.

After relizeing this, Joe cried harder.

---

End Flashback. Why? 'Cause I'm just weird like that.

---

"I think he's still dead." said a kid's voice. Sounded like a boy. _And what the hell is poking me?_

"Wolf, stop poking him with that stick, and no- he's not dead anymore." _Females voice…_

"Yeah? Well how do you know? Huh? Answer that Ms. Smarty-pants." _He reminds me of Finite…and that's not a good thing…_

"Gladly. 1. I'm a genius and will one day be an EvilOverLordEss. 2. I just cast Raise. Duh."

"Clips, What if your spell messed up and you just made him deader?" _Is deader a word…?_

"You can't make a person deader and I didn't screw up the spell…And stop poking him with that infernal stick!" _Ooooh, that's what's pokeing me!_

"Yeah, do as the lady say's." Joeschmoe said as he opened his eyes and looked at the two people who had saved him and -if the Finite laying a little ways away (who was groggily rubbing his eyes) was any indication - they also saved Finite too. _Pity._

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Eclips! ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOMBIIIIIIIIIIIIE!" yelled the kid - who now that Joe could actually see - was a Hume boy who looked to be about 11-12ish with dark brown hair and brown eyes, he also carried a 'Mercenary's Great sword' on his back.

"Wolfdemon! He's not a zombie and stop screaming before I give you a reason to scream." shouted the female. The female was Elvaan, she had black hair that was almost bluish (A.n: at least it looked Bluish…Dark blue anyhow…maybe it was just how I set the color on my computer.) She had a sword at hip and a mis-matched armor set, beside her sat a Forest Tiger who, as far as he could tell, was under the 'Charm spell'. (A.n: Charm as in Beast master pet Charm)

"Man, Eclips…your no fun." whined Wolfdemon.

"Isn't that my job as an older sister?"

"No…"

"It's not?" Joe watched amused as the two siblings had their fun.

"No it's not. You're supposed to shower me with love and affection and do everything I say."

"Oh…Well…Sucks to be you - 'cause I ain't doing that."

"What?! I'm hurt." said Wolfdemon pouting.

"Hn. Well are you two alright? You looked pretty beat up…"

"No, we're fine, just had a little run in with some Walking Trees."

"Oh, well…I guess you all are right now so - Bye…" Eclips waved and started heading towards the direction of Batalla Downs. _Hey, that's the direction of Batalla Downs…which connects to Jueno which means…_

"Wait, are you two going to Jueno? If so then we could all together…" offered Finite.

"Yeah, safety in numbers" agreed Joeschmoe.

"Hn. Let's move out."

And with that the group left and made their way to Jueno.

---

Two trees, Five tigers, and 3 deaths later…

---

"We…pant made…pant…it." Joeschmoe, Finite, and Wolfdemon all collapsed at the entrance to Jueno the three completely exhausted.

"Babies." muttered Eclips as she walked pass the boys and headed towards the Action House preparing to kick some major ass so that she could actually reach the Auction Counters and take care of her adventuring necessities.

"Hey! Sis! Wait up! You said you would loan me some money and help me get my Chocobo Lisence! Eeeeeeeeeeeeclipssssssssssssssssssssssse!" And the boy , Wolfdemon, ran into the sea of bodies surrounding the Auction House a little ways away - hoping to find his sister. _Hoping being the key word._

Finite and Joe watched as the two disappeared. With a sigh Joeschmoe stood and walked to the Chocobo stables with about as much enthusiasm as a child whose parents found out that HE stole the cookie from the cookie jar, and Finite - oblivious to Joe's lack of enthusiasm skipped along side him excited beyond belief.

---

OMG! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to take THIS long writeing it. I just didn't know what to do next…But I now know what I'll do…kinda anyways, so now my only set back is that I'm grounded and as such limited to only ½ hour of computer. Oh Woe-ith Me…-ith.

Oh yes - Beast Master for anyone who doesn't know -and if I haven't already said it, Beast Master is a job that allows you to 'Charm' some monsters/mobs and thus you have a pet.

Yeah- well since you've read this far… You think maybe…possibly…Review…Please…? Begging…?

P.S. 'Eclips' was my character on Carbuncle before I deleted it. I had solo'd to level 39, give or take a few levels. And 'Wolfdemon' was my younger brothers character on Ifrit. He partied and managed to get to level 23-24 before we deleted his guy.

Don't. Forget. To. Review. Or I'll sic Finite on your high level asses. So There.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer : The only think I don't own is the world they are playing in…and Chocobo's…Yeah, I don't either.

A/n. Terribly sorry for the incredible long delay between updates…Writers Block sucks…

"Talking"

_Joe thinking_

'somebody other then Joe thinking'

(A.n : Obviously - where I say something)

---

Joeschmoe the Seventh

---

"Stupid Chocobo…it's supposed to LOVE me! It's Christmas dammit! Why does it have to be such a pain in the butt…?" vented Finite as he and Joeschmoe walked away from the Chocobo Stables in Upper Jueno.

"'Tis Christmas - maybe you'll get a baby Chocobo and License for the holidays?" wondered Joe doing his best to try and cheer up Finite.

"As if."

Finite decided to go level in Qufim Isle…and boy did Joe feel sorry for any creature that crosses paths with the pissed off Finite.

---

Joe was called to SanD'Oria by Kardos, deciding that whatever Kardos wanted had better be good or else he was going to kill him. Quite literally.

"Joeschmoe! Over here! Here! Here! Here!" yelled Kardos as he waved his arms frantically around his head trying to gain Joe's attention.

Joe sighed and walked over to Kardos, plopped down in a chair, then sighed again before telling Kardos, "What."

"What put you in such happy mood?" said Kardos sarcastically.

"The fact that you called me half-way across the world so that- " Joe was cut off by Kardos.

"So that we could meet at our secret meeting place - DUH!"

"Oh, I see. Our secret meeting place is behind a Temple Knight…?" said Joe as he looked around. "Dosen't seem very secret to me…matter of fact…we keep on getting weird looks…"

Kardos looked around. "Pfft. Their just jealous!"

"Of…?"

"Eh…? Oh well, that doesn't matter right now! What matters is WHY I called you here."

"And the reason was…?" _better be good…_

"Well, I figured we could throw a Christmas party, 'cause ya know we haven't seen anybody in FOREVER, and I thought we should get together! SO what do you say Joe? Joe…?"

Joe had left was walking towards the Auction House, "Have fun with that." was all Joe said before he disappered around a corner.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Jooooooooooooooe! Don't be like that!"

"Bye Kar…Oh hey Cena." Joe had stopped and was about to start a conversation with Cena when Kardos appered and started talking.

"Hey Cena, How you been? Good I hope?" after that he just started rambling about stupid things that really don't matter, so why take up space and put it here?

"Hello Kardos, Joeschmoe." she purred as she acknowledged each man. "What are you both up to?"

"Oh, us well ya see…" And once again Kardos started rambling on about what he and Joe have been up to - without actually saying what they were doing…that takes skill. And with just as much skill Cena and Joe blocked him out.

"Kar wants to throw a Christmas party, get everybody together, ya know? What do you think about it Cena?" Joe asked the Mithra.

Cena looked thoughtful for a moment before answering that she thought it was a wonderful idea.

Kardos ceased his useless ramblings and stared a Cena for a moment.

"Really…?" Kardos asked staring at her in wonder.

"Yes,"she smiled warmly at Kardos,"I think it's a wonderful idea."

---

Joe looked up at the sky - the dark, gloomy, rainy, stupid sky - and cursed any and all Gods that existed, because they would have to HATE him to put him through this.

Joe brought his gaze back down to earth and stared at the reason that made him believe everything hated him.

"Abel…Avel…I don't mean to be a big party pooper - but I really didn't come here to kill either of you…" _Dammit! Why do they have to be so damn…so…suspicious and violent? I'm not going to hurt them!_

Joeschmoe cursed Kardos…and then he cursed Cena -who had agreed with this idiotic idea - and then he cursed Finite who - with is persuasion skills,(he had to have some persuasion skills, how else would he have killed so many high levels?) - had convinced him to do…THIS. He wouldn't even be here if Kardos and Cena hadn't called him and told him about Joe's defiant-ness as fas as the party was concerned.

_C'mon, why could't I just send everybody 'tells' to make them aware of the fact that their invited to this _, Joe's lip curled in absolute hatred , _party. _Joe jumped back before Abel cut his head open with his sword and then dived to the side to avoid Avel's attack. _Why__ did HE have to go around the damn world trying to tell everybody that this stupid THING was going on? Why him? Why? Why? Why? WHY?_

"Why do you not fight back infidel?" asked Albel as he looked down at Joeschmoe from his place upon a stone. Don't ask WHY he was on the stone…probably just to seem intimidating.

"You pathetic worm - stop dodging our attacks!" yelled his brother - Alvel - who had appered beside his brother on the rock.

Joe sighed." I just wanted to tell you something! I swear! It's a message from Kardos!" _That'll work, _thought Joe - _after__ all Kardos is their friend…_

"How dare you mention that vile creatures name in our presence!" raged the elder brother (Albel)._Guess__ he's not their friend…_

"That samurai knows no honor" Agreed the younger (Alvel).

"ARGH! I don't care! There's a good-for-nothing Christmas party on Christmas! If you attack me again you'll be wishing it were Finite you were fighting!" and with that Joeschmoe turned away from the twins and started casting warp.

"Eh? Wait, there's going to be a Christmas Party?" asked Alvel excitedly.

"Yes." said Joeschmoe as he stopped casting Warp and turned to the brothers.

"Hey, Bel, we could go! Can we go? Please?" Alvel looked at his brother with big puppy eyes silently praying that his brother would allow him to go to the party.

"Will the Infidel samurai be there?" Abel asked Joeschmoe.

"Yes."

"If we go can I kill him?"

"No, but I will if you like."

"Fair enough - even though I believe it will be disaster." Alvel jumped up and hugged his brother saying a kajillion 'Thank you's' at a mile a minute.

As Joe turned to leave -again- he grumbled under his breath about how agreed whole heartedly with Albel's idea of how the party would go.

---

Joe stood there in Bastok and stared at the Business man in front of him.

"Well? Is ya just gonna stand there and stare or is ya gonna buy something'?" asked the impatient Galken in front of Joe.

"Kozue…?" Joeschmoe wondered out loud.

"Dat's me name - don't wear it out. Now ya gonna buy somet'in' or what?"

"Uh- actually I came with a message from Kardos…" Joe grew silent as a look of pure rage overtook the face of Galken.

"That THING, wanted you to give me a message, eh?" The Galken stood up to his true height -which was quite a bit taller then Joeschmoe - and looked down at him. "Well you give him a message from ME! Tell him if he's got something' to me he can come and say it to me face, got dat?" Kozue continued to star down in a very menacing way at Joeschmoe.

"Yeah - but you see…" Joe trailed off when Kozue got his dagger out. And then he quickly said, "He just wanted me to tell you that there's going to be a Christmas party and your invited!" _Please don't kill me…_

The thief slowly put the hand holding the dagger down.

"Really…?" the Galken asked.

"Ye- yeah…" stuttered Joeschmoe.

"Hmm, that could be good for business…selling items at the party I mean…Alright tell him I'll come…but if he tries a stunt like last time…" Kozue left it hanging and let Joeschmoe let his imagination decide what he'd do to Kardos then. "And now since we've settled that…How would you like a brand now Robe? Or how about a new Belt? I hear earrings are a bit popular 'bout now…"

---

Joeschmoe sighed as he slowly walked to Valkrum Dunes - trying to feel energetic but…just not feelin' it.

It had taken him three hours and over 300,000 gil to get away from Kozue and now his entire inventory was packed to the brim with useless junk that he would never use.

Joe sighed. He looked out over the sandy beaches lit only by the moonlight trying to find the pack of girls he knew were hiding around here somewhere.

Around here at night - sometimes there is rumored to be a pair of girls who sing and their voices entrance any men who hear it - and then they steal their prisoner's gil…sometimes they actually kill their victims…or at least that's what the rumor says…

Needless to say- Joe really hoped that the rumors were wrong…

Joe was aroused from his silent hoping when he heard some giggling coming from the small cave where the poem was carved into stone. Joe ever-so-carefully tip-toed into the cave listening to the whispers of the females inside the cave.

"Yeah - he was like totally hot," said Voice one.

"Gawd, I know, but you can't pretend that HE isn't good lookin'." Voice 2.

"Oh my gawd, I totally forgot about him! But your soooo right!"Voice 1 again.

"I know, Cause I'm, like, always right. "Voice 2.

Both girls started laughing in the most annoying way and Joeschmoe decided that the men GAVE their money away to shut these girls up - and the rest committed suicide in an attempt to get away from…them.

_Best just to go ahead and get it over with, then I can get this whole ordeal behind me…_

Joe took a deep breath and braced himself for the worse as he walked out into the open so that he could talk properly with the so called 'girls'.

"Hello ladies" _If their ladies then the world is coming to an end… "_I come with a message from Kardos." Both weirdo's squealed and asked him what their lovely knight in shining armor could want of them…it was creepy. "There is a Christmas party being held soon…would you lovely…ladies…like to come and keep us company…?" _If I play maybe I'll get outta here alive…_

Both ladies squealed again. "We,"they coursed,"would love too!"

"Then I take my leave." Joe bowed and turned fully intent on getting out of the hell hole -unfortunately - he was grabbed by his mid-section before he could get out and was forced to stay will the demons until morning when the finally had enough 'girl talk' and they went home, thus allowing him to leave as well.

_I wish they had just taken all my money - they weren't even attractive…_and Joeschmoe left for Selbina where he would continue onto Mhaura.

---

Joe waited silently in the short line for that was waiting for the Selbina-Mhaura boat. He looked around once before he spotted someone he knew.

"Taigo?" Joe questioned.

"Hmm?" The one called Taigo turned his head to look at Joeschmoe and then grunted to show he recognized him.

"Ahhh- finally! Someone sane! You woundn't believe all the weirdo's I've had to track down these past few days…How've you been Tai?" Joeschmoe asked.

The Hume turned his head to look at him before giving a short 'Hnn'. Which Joe took as 'fine'.

Taigo wasn't really all that talkative…he tended to just grunt or make some other weird sound throughout all of the conversations. Joeschmoe and him had met some time ago when they were raising their level caps

From 50 to 55 (**A/n. **Level Caps prevent you from leveling up any more - just incase somebody didn't know…). After that they had become fast friends - even if Tai's idea of a conversation was do nothing more then grunt.

"Yeah - well, I come baring a message from Kardos - you remember him right?" Joe looked at Taigo's face as Taigo's eyes narrowed dangerously, and he turned his head from the wide ocean sea to Joeschmoe.

"Hn." Joe laughed a bit nervously trying to remember that he trusted Taigo and that even if he was a level 75 Beast Master , He wasn't afraid of him…'trying' being the keyword there.

"You," Taigo said quietly in a VERY deadly voice,"are friends with him, correct..?"

"Uhhh…Yeah…?" Joe said weakly…because honestly - a White Mage was nothing to this guy…He was a legend…he had Solo'd GODS…somebody like that was not to be taken lightly. Plus Taigo was scary.

"Hnn. And what did he tell you - Joe - to tell me…?" _He's still using the scary voice…I'm gonna die aren't I…?_

"Uhh- he -ummm- said that there's going to be a Christmas party and your invited…"

"Hnn." Taigo turned away from him and Joe let out a sigh of relief…you'd be happy to if you realized you weren't gonna die too. Unfortunately - his joy was short lived as Taigo 'Charmed' a fish of some type - and made the damn thing drag him into the water…until he died.

Joe woke up a few seconds later back in his Mog House (which was where his Home Point is) (**A/n. If**** I didn't already say it…a Home Point is where you go after you get K.O'd/die)**

"…I hate you evil Gods…"

---

Joe spent the rest of the days before the Christmas party going around the world of Vana'diel telling everybody -as Kardos had requested - about the party.

Overall he lost 500,000+ gil. Over 8 levels of experience. And cursed the Gods over 1000 times. Overall it sucked. Period.

_But thankfully - it's over. Tomorrow night on Lightsday is Christmas and the party will be held and I've done all damn 'messaging' that Kardos , Finite, and Cena made me do. _Joe sighed as he looked around his Mog House. _Woulda__ been nice if they had thanked me though - after all it DID take him WEEKS to do it all…_ another sigh.

---

The next day Joeschmoe went to the party - he was invited to - and with him he brought the presents he had gotten for everybody. (He had been considerably rich before this whole ordeal).

At the party everyone was enjoying themselves and laughing and drinking, and just having a jolly ol' time. Joe sighed.

_Why am I so depressed? _Another sigh and Joeschmoe decided to go and get something to drink…preferably something extremely alcoholic.

Joe looked around at everybody as they started opening up there presents. He started to slowly sip his drink.

The demonic twins - Albel and Alvel - had received numerous different Jewelry (they were a bit girly) all of which was good for slaughting people by the masses - or animals/beastmen - whichever was available. They soon opened Joe's present of two pairs of 'Muramasu' -which he had heard the twins had been wanting for awhile.

He had received no thank you.

The Business man Kozue received various items that would be good for his business - like signs, a larger stall for selling thing, ya know business stuff - from Joe however he received a Lifetime membership too 'The Delivery Service' which allowed people to receive their purchased items at their home…rather then coming to the stall to get it - and it was faster then the public Delivery Service too.

He had -again- received no thank you.

The psychotic girls had received an admission into the Inner Horutoto Ruins - most probably people were hoping that they got lost and never bothered innocent souls again. From Joe they had received a binder holding rather - uh nice - pictures of any male who was good looking he could find.

One again - no thank you.

His grunting anti-social friend had gotten weird spell books that looked to be spotted with blood, dark clothing and some skull jewelry stuff. From Joe he had also received a gift, he had received a young Forest Tiger that he'd been wanting for awhile.

No thank you from him either…and that stupid tiger had been a pain to catch.

Finite had received various knickknacks from different people, nothing special since everybody here was a bit higher on the level skill and most were still a bit wary of him. But from Joe he had received something that he had been unable to get otherwise - a baby Chocobo. (**A/n. Aww- I**** want oooooooone!)**

Joe simple sighed dejectedly when he received no thank you.

Kardos had received a bunch of beatings from just about everybody. From Joe he received , not a beating, as he had expected for sending Joe out to fetch everyone since he was to lazy (and scared) to do it himself, he had instead received a 'Totsukanotsurugi', which he had been wanting for awhile- he was just to lazy to get off his ass and get it.

Again as Joe had suspected - No thank you.

And for Cena - who had gotten many lady-like things like jewelry/makeup/cooking materials (for making treats for her pets) - Joe had given Pepper Spray. She'd need it to keep Kardos away from her…

And although he really hadn't expected it by now - he still didn't get a thank you.

Joeschmoe sighed as he looked around and left the party to go outside and rest a bit…after all he wasn't needed here. Nobody would miss him if he left for a bit.

sigh _Maybe__ I'll just turn in early… I go to bed now and I'll be able to help with the pickup tomorrow._

Joeschmoe was just about to leave for his Mog House - where not even his Moogle was because it had gone home for the holidays - when he heard his name being called. Joe stopped and turned around to see Finite and Kardos running to him.

"Joe! Wait up a sec!" Kar called out. Joe waited patiently for them to catch up to him before kindly asking what it was they needed.

"Well we don't really need anything…", Kardos said looking down.

"Yeah - we just wanted to give you this," Finite presented him with a perfectly wrapped box - it even had a bow…and it was wrapped in 'Strolling Saplings Must Die!' wrapping paper.

Joe carefully took the box away from him carefully and said 'Thankyou' gently before opening the box to find a carefully folded outfit.

He took the outfit out and stared at it in complete marvel, a pair of earrings, a new weapon, a new necklace, new robe, slacks, boots, gloves - the whole nine yards.

"Do you like it? You always saying how want a completely matching outfit so…" Kardos trailed off waiting for Joe's reaction.

"It's kind of a thank you for going out and collecting everyone…they probably weren't all that cooperative…a good bunch of them hold grudges against either me or Kardos…"

Joeschmoe sighed again as looked at the completely matched outfit he held in his arms - with this he could so kick ANYBODY'S ass! White Mage or not!

"This is awesome! You guys…thanks…"

The three smiled and went back to the party. They all got drunk. Made fun of each other. And got pepper spray and other toxic things thrown on them from various good-looking females. Overall it was a pretty good evening.

And the party ended up not being a disater.

---

17,306 words. 7 pages.

I finally Finished it! Hurray for me!

And…

Merry Christmas!

Sorry it took so long to get a update up…like I said before - Writers Block sucks.

I kept on changing it and changing it…sigh at least it's up now right?

Anyways - I hope you guys enjoy'd this chapter somewhat and anybody who reviews get a cute chibi Chocobo…So REVIEW DAMMIT!

And I'm sorry if the story's turning into a ramble - I tend to do that whenever I write story's - I just gotta figure out how to end it before it becomes to bad.

Again - Merry Christmas - I hope you get what you want from Santa! J


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer **: if a disclaimer is needed then here - I own everything that everybody else DOSEN'T own…And I do not make any money off of this either…

In other words everything belongs to their respective owners - whoever (and what ever) that may be.

**Warnings**: A bit of launguage,nothin' worse then the other chapters though...

THIS last chapter (crap though it may be, I at least tried to make it crap that's worth sumthin') Is dedicated to any and all who managed to read thru this entire story. Thanks.

Somewhat important authors note: this is the last chapter. I can't think anything so I'm just gonna skip it all and have this be the end. sighHope it isn't to terrible...

"talking"

'thinking'

_Joe thinking_

(a.n author notes)

**---**

**Joeschmoe the Eighth **

**---**

Joeschmoe layed their , facedown, in a pile of questionable substance - praying that some other white mage would come and save him...raise him...or something...

_I wouldn't even be lying here if that stupid Sapling hadn't decided to go postal - or whatever it went - on my ass. That stupid no good Sapling. When I finally get outta here , ooooo your gonna pay!_

--

A couple hours before...

--

Joeschmoe smiled happily at the weapon he and Kardos had gotten Finite as a reward for finally obtaining level 75. The 'Ragnarok' glistened in the sunlight from the Jueno sun, it's perfect edge - sharpened to perfection, It's beautiful handcrafted handle...well actually the whole thing was handcrafted but that wasn't the point...the point was that...the thing was beautiful...

_Better be beautiful for the money and time and money and energy put into this damn thing._

_But, _Joe thought to himself, _but__ it's okay - even if a am broke - he'll like the weapon...and then he can go cause mass mayhem while I do nothing , _Joe stopped staring at THE 'Ragnarok' and thought about what exactly he would be doing,_I'll__ figure it out when the time comes, but the point is that I will do SOMETHING!_

Joeschmoe put the gorgious weapon away and teleported to La Thine Plateau. He, would then get a Chocobo - ride through La Thine and West Ronfaure - and arrive at Southern SanD'Oria and get to Finite's party (with the glistening wonderful weapon in hand) give it to Finite, and ... and ... go enjoy the company of a lady...or four...

And with that thought Joeschmoe started walking towards where the Chocobo salesman should be. Joe walked down the steps that led from the Teleport Crystal and -breifly pauseing in his walk towards his yellow feathered friend - once again pulled out the 'Ragnarok' to marvel at it's shiney-shiney-ness.

_Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!_

_I'm never ever,never ever going to be sniff able to use this thi-sniff this weapon ever so long as I'm a sniff Whitemaaaaaaaaaaaaaaage! Then again I don't even really know how to use it, it's just shiney..._

As Joeschmoe had been paying attention to the sword in his hands, rather then , say the sapling that was sneaking up behind him - he was completely not expecting it when he felt a sharp sting in the back of his legs.

Joeschmoe quickly turned on his heel to see what had hit him when he felt another sting - only this time this time the Sapling tightened it's vine-y thing around Joe's ankles and tugged. Normally, Joeschmoe wouldn't be felled by such teeny-tiny embodiments of pure evil, However, normally he and/or you wouldn't be fighting against teeny-tiny embodiments of pure evil that happen to be professional athletes from the NFL or Wrestling or Kickboxing or some other violent sport that I don't know much about.

Uh- where was I...? Oh yeah the Vine-y thing, well the sapling tugged and Joeschmoe fell...hard. And whilst he struggled to get the annoying stars out of his eyes the stupid sapling continued to him in various diffrent places. And Joeschmoe was starting to get lots of boo-boos.

Once Joe managed to rub the stars from his eyes, he quickly - well as quickly as anybody who's being beaten to death by a sapling can - ran a good distance away and cast 'Cure 4' on himself. (A/n. I don't know how much Cure 4 heals people. I'm just going to say It heals a signifagent amout of HP and leave at that. 'Kay? 'Kay.) Now back up to half-full health, Joe pulled his 'Kirin's Pole' that he had recieved for Christmas and prepared to open a can of whoop ass on the offeneding runt that dared challenge him.

--

Present time

--

Joe sighed dramatically as he thought back to that rather humiliating event. The fact that he died wasn't really what got him..._well__ actually, yeah it is, but what I'm really pissed off about is that the battle lasted a total of 10 seconds. _Joe turned his thoughts away from such depressing thoughts before he got depressed, and started to think about the shiney sword that he had dropped during the fight with the sapling that did not only last 10 seconds.

That plan was out the window soon though after he realized that 1. said sword was probably in the same questionable substance that his face was currently in and two..._why__ am I being raised?_

After the bright light wore off (from his eyes adjusting to the light) and Joeschmoe was able to wipe the questionable substance off of his face, Joeschmoe was able to look and see who had raised him, and thank him properly.

"Taigo! You raised me! I didn't know you were a White Mage too!" exclaimed Joeschmoe.

"Hn. It's my Sub Job."

"Cool..." Joe replied as he looked around trying to find the 'Ragnarok'. And he did find it, in a big yellow puddle of questionable substance, and written on the sword -in the same brown questionable substance his face had been lying in a few moment's before - was (in Sapling launguage) 'You will never will, Give up - we WILL take over the world!'. Joe cursed them (in Sapling laungage, he knowlegdeable when it came to saplings) and told them to go whatever hell it is they came from...and it coulda been his imagination but he thought he heard evil laughs.

Taigo was just kinda lookin' at him with a 'wtf' look on his face but Joe picked up the 'Ragnarok' and rather then go to the Chocobo sales man, went towards 'The Ephemere' (a/n. the lake in the middle of La Thine) and started to clean the weapon. Taigo followed with a quiet 'hn'.

Joe and Tai made quick work of cleaning the heavenly weapon, and started towards the entrance of West Ronfaure.

...most of the saplings in their way did not live to tell the tale (of getting in their way I mean)...

Eventually, they arrivied at SanD'Oria, wrapped the shiney weapon in shiney wrapping paper.

Went to the party. Ate cake. Finite opened his present(s). (but really only one of them was as shiney as Ragnarok sooo...)

And Finite sqeeled like a little girl. Then went and started putting a party together so he could test his new weapon.

And Joeschmoe and Kardos smiled. And they got their pretty ladies...or 4.

And all was right with the world.

Well - as 'right' as a world can be with a level 75 'Finite the Terrible' running amuck.

---

Fin

---

There. It's Done. Crappy , short, and pointless, but it's DONE.

If anything in this wrong...like reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally wrong...tell me and i'll fix it. If it's just a little thing here or there...i still might fix it...prob. be to lazy to though...i mean...i took me 2 months to get this 3 page chapter out...I did try to finish it though. Really I did. I rewrote like 50-bazillion times though. stupid thing didn't wanna work with me. glares angrily at computer

I was looking at Allakhazam - because it's my main source for info since I no longer play...and...they had a weapon that went up to level 90...did they raise the level caps...?

yeah well, dat's it. Reveiws would be nice. But I'm not really expecting any so, whateva.


End file.
